In this #NOMORE blog, I’ll be discussing a topic we hear about all too often, child sexual abuse, a topic I find myself wondering ‘why do we go through this horror’ time and time again, of learning about victims accounts of abuse or the fact the abuser doesn’t ‘look’ like a sex offender, or they seemed like a nice person, or they have done a lot of good for others. It goes on across all communities of race, faith and culture, the world over.
Many times I hear, ‘missed opportunities’, or why is it on the increase or ‘well it was of an era’. What era I find myself asking? The era of the human race? If we go back over the centuries, if we look, as opposed to choosing not to look at things we do not wish to see or hear – it is clear to that it is pandemic, throughout history.
The fact that UK Government has had to engage a person from the other side of the world; Justice Lowell Goddard, to Chair the historic child abuse cases investigation, to ensure the Chair is totally impartial and unconnected by those who have actively abused or of those who have actively ignored and buried evidence – speaks volumes.
This skewed way of thinking allows abusers to continue abusing and ruining lives, it enforces victims to be silent, through fear of reproach, not being believed, sacked, excluded or ostracized. Additionally it disables others to query unless they have solid evidence.
The saddest thing about it all is that the Sociologists have had theories to explain it all to us for more than half a century; Social Constructionism explains how we perceive others from their demur, their ‘place’ in society, their presentation and a whole heap of concepts we have from what we have been taught, our culture and morality – all of which are environmental and, constructs. And abusers bank on that.
Looking at the recently updated and soon to be published report on Jimmy Savilles lifes work to abuse others it is clear that staff or patients who did report and speak out were disbelieved on 1 of 3 counts;
- The person the victim reported to was covering up and potentially participating in abuse too
- The person the victim reported to chose to disbelieve the victim on the premise that the victim didn’t have the same amount of prestige or position as him
- The person the victim reported to was so desperate for the benefits’ of charitable donations they chose to ignore and suppress any rumours
Where in our society does it state that if someone does good they are permitted – in some cases almost invited to abuse the vulnerable? Sexual abuse in any context is one that most will never fully recover, its something that we learn to manage, if we’ve had the right support and guidance to do so. In the majority of cases, but by no means all, a lot of victims will suffer significant mental ill health that can lead on to poor lifestyles. Whilst the abusers just move onto their next victim, with the support of those around them – near or far.
David Cameron is calling for those who collude and turn a blind eye are held to account. But when we consider amongst others, this informative article titled; Westminister Peadophile Ring, how can we feel assured at the integrity of his statement that childhood sexual abuse will stop? Or indeed this article listing Convicted MP’s from across the Country. I would suggest Mr Cameron is offering piecemeal to quell the fires before election, because there is no sustenance to his statement.
The more we look and read into passed allegations and convictions, the more it can feel like we’re drowning in the bilge of it all. There is of course a way to rectify these atrocities. It is something we talk about frequently in the Freedom Programme, belief systems and instincts.
So we have a 2 fold approach to assessing the motivation of others, we cant always ascertain a person’s belief systems quickly. We could if we felt able to ask them of course, but the beauty of belief systems is that our actions are motivated by our true core beliefs that are stored in our subconscious, these are demonstrated by our actions not necessarily what we say. If our words and actions match, then that’s a clear indicator of our true beliefs. For a more off the cuff assessment we need to listen to our gut feelings, these are our instincts and they are there for a reason – to protect us. If we ignore them at best we end up feeling we have to justify our actions to others at worst, we feel unable to talk or ask for help and the abuse continues and we carry that with us.
You can learn more about this and much more on the Freedom Programme training, this specific topic is covered in the Sexual Controller sessions. We look at the tactics, the beliefs; the reinforcements across society that keeps those beliefs in place, along with the beliefs of others around the abuser as well as the victim.
Confused? Don’t be book now to ensure you are fully protected. As Michel Foucault declared ‘knowledge is power’.